Vegan Biscuits + Time Crunch = Completely Crackers

I made a remarkably disconnected dinner tonight – just a bunch of stuff that didn’t go together really at all, despite all of it initially seeming like a harmonious idea. I pickled potatoes and radishes and made chipotle beans, mostly motivated by my need to get rid of a radish stash before they really went bad and the desire to play with the food processor I got for Christmas.

As I looked at the perfectly cut salad and tri-colored pot of beans, I thought, “This is unappealing. Maybe bread.” Of course at this point I was also tired of being in the kitchen, so I aimed for a quick fix (no rising) and went straight to Betty Crocker.

Two cups self rising flour for two cups whole wheat flour (apparently that is kind of a significant mistake), a quarter cup of shortening for a quarter cup coconut oil, and three quarters of a cup of regular milk for soy milk. Mix, realize half way through this is not going to work, and finish anyway. Attempt to knead, roll out, cut circles, lay on baking sheet, brush with chopped garlic, coconut oil, and lemon juice in a sad, saving attempt, and bake at 400 degrees for about twenty minutes. They almost look on purpose, don’t they?

Result: a bready cracker, a good laugh, and your sister cementing what you always knew about her bizarre taste buds by announcing that the accidental biscuit crackers taste like spaghetti. Thank God for jam.

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2 Responses to Vegan Biscuits + Time Crunch = Completely Crackers

  1. MM says:

    I audibly said ‘oh no’ before I even made it to “apparently this is kind of a significant mistake”. Perhaps keep some instant yeast in the fridge for next time? 😉

    • bar says:

      Haha! I know. I even gave it that head tilted look as I mixed it, thinking, “I don’t think it works that way,” but rolled with it anyway. Yes, yeast needs to be my friend ;).

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